Motivation for exposure

Video- “My OCD Story”

   My OCD Story by “Birdy” age 12   “Birdy” (her nickname) entered our Intensive Outpatient Program in April of 2014. When we met Birdy she was experiencing very severe OCD which made it difficult for her to walk, eat, go to school, and do most basic activities. Every moment of her day was filled with stomping, blinking, tapping, and other movements meant to ward off sickness. Not only was Birdy consumed by rituals, she was also fearful of hundreds of words that OCD associated with sickness.  This made it difficult to write, say or hear words such as ballerina blonde, nine, and blue.   Birdy had become trapped by her OCD and she was no longer the happy, vivacious kid she was before.  Birdy missed her old self and wanted to return to who she was before OCD. Every day that Birdy practiced ERP she got stronger and stronger. Some of her biggest early accomplishments were walking and getting in and out of the car without rituals. With each passing day she learned how to weaken her OCD by “bossing it back” and “messing up” her rituals.  What used to be an elaborate stomping ritual became a silly dance chosen by Birdy. OCD was no longer in charge!  Instead of returning to the girl she was before OCD, she transformed into a girl who was stronger and braver than we could have imagined. Birdy’s experience of overcoming OCD inspired her to become an OCD advocate. We are delighted to support this budding young film-maker share her inspiring story with others.  Here is “My OCD Story” directed and produced entirely by Birdy. Read “A Mother’s Story” by Birdy’s...

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Client Story: Panic Disorder

Client Story: Panic Disorder

By ST Earlier this year, I was facing a lot of change in my life. I got married, quit my job, started consulting, got pregnant, and moved to the East Bay from San Francisco, all within the space of a few months. These were all exciting and positive changes for me, but they sparked an identity crisis. After 13 years of living in the city, I didn’t quite know who I was outside of it. The panic disorder took over slowly. At first, I started having trouble making the calls I needed to make as a new consultant. I questioned my ability to sell my services to new clients as a representative of “me” and not a larger company. Then I had a panic attack on Bart. Then I had a panic attack on the freeway. Then I had a panic attack in a meeting. Pretty soon I found myself sitting in my new house and scared to do much, lest I have a panic attack. I sought out the help of a CBT therapist because I was stuck, and didn’t know how to get moving again. In the past when panic disorder had visited my life (an unfortunate side effect of being violently mugged in the Mission years ago), I had been able to go on antidepressants and sort things out. Now being pregnant, I knew I needed to conquer my fears meds-free. When I first went to see my CBT therapist, I was very afraid. I couldn’t imagine facing a panic attack without my Xanax. The idea of actually putting myself in a situation where I might have a panic attack was unfathomable (and thus the reason why I was pretty much confined to my house). And yet, I knew that CBT and exposure therapy would bring me face-to-face with panic again and again. Luckily, we started slowly. My CBT therapist practices ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), so we first set out to define my values when it comes to marriage, family, friendships, personal growth, leisure time, spirituality, etc. Clearly identifying my values gave me the courage to participate in the exposure therapy to come – it helped me to remember who I was and what I was fighting for. We then started working through the book Mastery of Your Anxiety and Panic. The book made a very convincing argument as to the effectiveness of exposure therapy in getting rid of panic, and the worksheets in the book helped me to identify some of my underlying beliefs about panic attacks and the terrible things I thought would happen to me if I had one. My CBT therapist also started teaching me mindfulness techniques to retrain my brain to relate to fear symptoms differently. Every week, we started off our appointment with a mindfulness session. As negative thoughts or feelings arose, I was encouraged to just label them and let them disappear naturally, rather than judging them. This ability to bring curiosity and kindness to uncomfortable experiences would turn out to be key to my recovery. Finally, it was time to face the panic and give exposure therapy a try. I was unbelievably nervous. We decided I would start out by driving the Caldecott tunnel – I had been avoiding it since having a panic attack inside of the tunnel on the way to my sister’s house. My therapist armed me with all sorts of mindfulness tools – such as breathing techniques and imaginal tapes – to give me the guts to drive the tunnel that first time. The fastest way to decrease panic in a given situation...

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